Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Meeting Needs

Sunday at TNC

How to Wreck Your Marriage

Week 3: 11.15.09Share

THE MESSAGE: Watch online at

Expecting your spouse to be like you is an unrealistic outlook of marriage. Your spouse is not like you because men and women are not alike. A man's brain is like an arrangement of boxes--it sectionalizes activities, emotions, deep thoughts, free time, etc. A woman's brain is like a ball of wire with all of these things running together; each can easily segue to one another. This creates a need to be intentional about meeting each other's needs, as the deepest needs of a wife and husband vary. "A man should fulfill his duty as a husband and a woman should fulfill her duty as a wife, and each should satisfy the other's needs" (1 Corinthians 7:3 GN)

Husbands, your wife needs your affection: "Husbands, give your wives much love; never treat them harshly" (Colossians 3:19). They need to feel like they are No. 1 in your life. Four ways to show your affection to your wife are by your words, by your actions, by the way you touch her and by focused attention.

Your wife needs conversation with you: "Reliable communication permits progress . . ." (Proverbs 13:17). Your wife is less interested in you telling her the answer to her issues and more interested in your listening and communicating with her. Intentionally hear her heart. This is one of your wife's biggest emotional needs.

Your wife needs your honesty and openness: "Insincere talk hides what you are really thinkin . . . It brings nothing but ruin" (Proverbs 26:23, 28). Always be sincere. Be your wife's friend. Be there for her with financial security and support, and commitment to the family as well.

Wives, your husband needs your affection, too, including sexual fulfillment. This is one of the biggest crossroads in wives understanding husbands. It comes from men trusting their wives to be the only one to fulfill this need for them (1 Corinthians 7:4-5). It is also the one need only a wife can meet unless the husband goes outside of the marriage.

Your husband needs admiration. The emotional need is huge, and the absence of admiration is often what a husband looks for outside of marriage when he is not adequately receiving it. From doing the laundry to sharing about his career, husbands what to know they are appreciated in this regard. (See Ephesians 5:33.)

Your husband needs an attractive spouse. This doesn't mean you need to feel like you're supposed to measure up to women in store window displays. What it does mean is to take care of yourself. Men are visual, but should not compare their wives (Ephesians 5:21-25). Your husband also needs your domestic support and recreational companisionship. How that looks needs to be determined among a husband and wife, as it varies.

Knowing your spouse's deepest needs will help you connect with each other on a powerful level. This is a fleshed-out way of living out Ephesians 5. Love your spouse the way Christ loved the Church. He did so be sacrificing His all. Give up yourself. It is a constant thing for us to be who God wants us to be, and the only way to do it is to be ultimately committed to Jesus.


  1. Good points. It reminds me of a book Nick and I both read earlier this year, "His Needs, Her Needs." Definitely worth checking out if you haven't already read it.

  2. That is the exact book the pastor referenced throughout the service...I must get a copy